Loyalties and Promises
by Angeliss
Summary: Jasper and I had been together for over fifty years. I had waited to meet him for almost thirty. Never had we been so divided. Alice's decision to visit Forks after Bella "died" took her away from Jasper. This is how it happened. Oneshot. Canon.


Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, and any characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I make no profit from this.

This is for Annarina, who wanted some Jasper. I hope I did this to your liking.

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Loyalties and Honor

"_Is Jasper here? Did he come with you?"_

_She shook her head. "He didn't approve of my interfering. We promised…" _

_-_Bella and Alice, New Moon, page 393

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It happened just after Jasper and I had finished unpacking in Denali. The rest of our family was here, but Edward. And Bella. Edward had made it abundantly clear that she was no longer one of us.

None of us had smiled much since we'd left Washington. In leaving Bella behind, we had torn our family apart. The safety that had been there, the reassurance and love that kept us together was now laced with a feeling of betrayal. _We had left her._ We had boarded the plane out, and then moved into our house. And that entire day, none of us could look one another in the eyes, skirting our gazes away in shame and grief.

Tanya had placed flowers in our room for us. The Denali clan was not made up of idiots; they knew that something had happened to our family. But they had quietly given us space, and only little touches like this were the evidence of their silent hospitality.

The white freesia blossoms would have made quite a cheerful addition to the room, except for the way they brought back the memories of Bella. Tanya had no way of knowing that. But as Jasper quickly set his clothes in the dresser, a flare of anger filled me. It wasn't directed at anyone. I could have hated Edward for doing what he did, being far too pigheaded to change his mind. But I had seen the anguish that filled him afterwards, and I pitied him instead. I could have hated the rest of our family for going along with Edward. But they were only doing what they thought would be best, for Edward, for all of us.

My husband glanced up at me, sensing my sudden change in mood. "Alice? What is it?"

I walked forward and picked up the glass vase full of freesia. "These flowers, Jasper. They smell like _her, _like she's haunting us. I don't want them in here."

His face tightened as my words penetrated. Above all else that had changed in our family was the fact that we could no longer mention Bella's name.

But then Jasper relaxed. "Maybe we could have red and white roses, like we had at our wedding."

I forced a smile. It didn't reach my eyes; I couldn't give it that much effort. "That would be nice."

Jasper turned away again, upset that he couldn't undo the bleakness that had entered out relationship.

"I'm sorry, Jazz," I said softly, and took another breath to continue. But with the air came the dizzying scent of freesia, filling my senses.

_I watched as she walked up to the edge of the cliff, her bare feet carefully picking their way over the stone. The wind caught her hair, obscuring her face from my sight one moment, but baring it to me the next, playing with her on a violent whim. _

_Bella. Bella stood on the edge of a cliff, her eyes empty, her body underweight. She moved to the very edge. The rain pelted at her face, and she closed her eyes for a moment, as though she were listening to something intently. Her mouth twisted her hollowed cheeks up into a serene smile._

"_No, Bella," I called, but she couldn't hear me. She rocked back onto her heels, and I thought perhaps she was going to walk away. But then she rocked back onto the balls of her feet, lifted her arms in the air, and jumped._

_The smile never left her face. Instead, it was transformed by joy. She fell forward, twisting and turning as she was buffeted by the breeze. And the scream that left her mouth was a scream of exhilaration. _

_She hit the water, an insignificant splash in the midst of the roiling waves and dark depths. And then suddenly, everything turned to blackness._

Dimly I heard a crash, glass shattering, water splashing. Jasper was at my side, tugging at my now empty hands, saying my name over and over again.

"No!" I cried. Not this. This could not happen to Bella. I closed my eyes in desperation, breaking my promise, looking for her future, forcing the visions. She had to be alright. But all I saw was blackness. She had no future. Not anymore. "No," I said, opening my eyes.

"Alice," Jasper said reassuringly.

I glanced at him, my body shaking. "Jasper," I said, and reached out and clung to him. I knew that I was wrinkling his shirt, but I didn't care. A shirt mattered very little at the moment.

His arms wrapped around me. "I'm here, Alice. I'm here. What did you see?"

"Bella," I said softly. The word hung in the air between us, like the barrier that it had become. Out of all of us, Jasper was the farthest from Bella, mostly for her own safety. He was able to accept her loss like I could not, and she stood between us in a way that divided us. Jasper and I had been together for over fifty years. I had waited to meet him for almost thirty. Never had we been so opposed to each other as when it came to Bella.

Jasper stiffened, but he didn't let go. "You promised Edward…"

"I promised that I would not look for her future. This came to me. And it isn't the future, Jasper… It's now, right now. Bella's dead." My voice was harsh, like the wind that had whipped Bella's hair away on the cliff, taken her body and thrown it into the water.

He released me, and I looked down to see the fragments of the vase scattered among the freesia blossoms. Some of them had been mutilated by the glass shards. I had no memory of dropping the flowers. I fell silent.

"Are you sure? Was it clear?"

"Very. I have never seen her so clearly. But it wasn't the future, that's why…"

"How?" Jasper asked.

"She committed suicide." My voice did not sound like my own, distant and alien. The grief hit me then, tearing me apart inside. I moved to sit on the edge of the bed, no longer sure of the strength in my legs.

"Alice…" Jasper reached out to me, to comfort me. I snatched my hand away, wanting none of it.

"She was my friend, Jasper. She was my _sister_. You can't tell me that everything is going to be alright so we can go on pretending. It won't be. And no matter how happy you make me, I'll still know, and I will still remember."

Jasper took my hand back. "She was human, Alice. It was going to happen someday." His voice was calm, soothing, and I knew that I should listen to him. I had seen death many times, by my hands or simply from the passage of time. It was nothing new to me. But I had just lost someone I cared deeply about.

"She shouldn't have been human!" I cried out in anguish. "It shouldn't have happened!"

"Oh, Alice," he said, and moved so that he was sitting next to me. "You couldn't have done anything."

"I could have done what I should have done a long time ago. I should have changed her myself."

"Alice, no. Don't do this to yourself," Jasper told me gently.

"And what am I supposed to be doing, Jazz?" I looked up into his black eyes, trying to make him understand. "This is our fault, Jasper. If we hadn't… if Edward and she had never… then she would still be alive."

"Alice, what can I do?" he asked. "I cannot change this. Neither can you. Don't blame yourself."

"I'm only giving credit where it's due." Even I could hear the blame and guilt in my voice, and I looked down at the floor, to the flowers. The air was thick with their scent, almost as if Bella was here, listening to us. I closed my eyes.

"Alice…" he said, a warning in his voice.

I shook my head. "It's done. I can't change it. But I can try to make it right."

"What do you mean?" His voice was quiet, both curious and cautious.

"I have to go. Come with me," I begged.

He looked confused. "Go where?"

"To Forks."

His face went unreadable. "No. You aren't going to Forks. We made a promise."

"I need to go, Jasper. My word is not as important as Bella. I have to make a choice. And I did the wrong thing when I made that promise. I can't change that, but maybe…"

"Alice, you can't make everything better by going."

"Don't you think I know that?" I asked him. "I know what it is I need to do. I need to go. And I will. But I am asking you, please, to come with me."

"We promised we wouldn't interfere."

"I'm not interfering. I am going to her funeral. It's too late for some things, but it's not too late to say goodbye." My voice broke as I pleaded with him. "I need you by me, Jasper. We haven't been apart since the day we met. I don't want to go alone, but I will."

"I keep my promises," Jasper said. "I gave my word. I cannot break it."

I swallowed and released him. "I know where my loyalties lie, Jasper. Bella might as well have been one of us. She was family. And if something happened to me, to Esme or Emmett or Rosalie, you would do the same thing. Family comes first."

"I promised that I would marry you," Jasper said softly. "I promised that I would stay with you, for better or for worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I promised that I would try and abstain from humans. And I gave Edward my word that I would not interfere. I do not say such things lightly. I cannot break this."

His eyes pleaded with me to understand. His word was his honor. I understood that better than he thought. But that didn't change what I needed to do. Part of me wished that it was enough to keep me here, that Jasper was enough to make me stay. But it wasn't.

"I can't stay here," I answered sadly. I reached up and touched his face. "I love you, Jasper. But I have to go."

"No, Alice, you don't." His voice turned hard, and he brushed my hand away.

I stared back at him. "Yes, I do, Jasper. And I hope, that by the time I come back, you will understand why. Goodbye." The only time I had ever said that word to him was on the phone. Hearing it in person was enough to make him step back in shock, as if I had slapped him.

I turned and ran, not sure what I was running from.

Carlisle was in the hall, blocking me from moving. "You heard?" I asked him.

"Yes," he said quietly. "I heard." He held out his hand, and I saw the key dangling from his fingers. "Take my car; the tank is almost full."

I swallowed. "But…"

"I know what you need to do. Go."

I looked up at his face and saw the weariness there, the understanding. "Thank you," I whispered, and took the keys.

The car was just outside, and I ran to it, unlocking the door with trembling fingers. Jasper met me there, as I was opening the door. "Please, Alice, don't do this…"

I stared at him for a moment. "I'm sorry, Jasper," I said, and got inside the car, turning it on.

"Alice…" he said to the window.

"I'll be back, soon, I promise, Jasper." That promise I would feel good about keeping.

And then I drove away, leaving Jasper behind, and the look on his face broke my heart. I began to cry as soon as I could no longer see him, for everything, for everyone. My eyes remained dry, empty. Leaving Bella had destroyed our family, but her death would make it impossible to repair.

I didn't slow down until I reached Forks, and my sobs abated. I pulled into the driveway of the house where Bella lived. Used to live. I parked the car and rested my head against the steering wheel.

What had we done? What had I done?

I could only hope that Jasper would forgive me for this.

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